Before I was a Mom I made and ate hot meals.
I had unstained clothing.
I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a Mom I slept as late as I wanted.
And never worried about how late I got into bed.
I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was Mom I cleaned my house each day.
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to lullabies.

Before I was a Mom I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom I had never been puked on, pooped on, spit on, peed on, or pinched by tiny fingers.
Before I was a Mom I had complete control of my mind, my thoughts, my body and all my feelings.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a Mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Mom I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was OK.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much......
......before I was a Mom.

...Author Unknown

I am a student. I have commitments in my classes that are very important ... commitments that I am paying a lot of money to keep. However, I know that sometimes it's more important to bring one of your best friends his favorite pudding at 3am than it is to continue studying. And I know that sometimes, Saturday night trips to the beach are much more needed than a Saturday night doing homework. And if a friend is in need, I will drop everything to be anything I can be to them. I will gladly give up a night of sleep or a few hours of studying because I know that these relationships that I'm forming will mean more to me in the long run than an "A" on a test will.

I love my family. I want to spend time with them. What's more than that ... I enjoy spending time with them. If you don't like it, too bad. Family values are important to me. Eating as a family is important to me. If anyone talks bad about my family, they'll get an earful. Because though they may annoy me sometimes, I will defend them to the death. Even if they're wrong ... if you badmouth them ... I'll defend them. That is something I can promise.

I like going on walks ... I like holding hands. I like going to the beach, no matter what time it is. I like looking at the stars and I love hiking. Camping is one of my favorite things to do -- especially in the summer. I love falling asleep in the arms of someone who loves me ... and I love waking up in his arms as well. I like being kissed on the forehead and having my back rubbed. I love massages no matter who they're from. If you give me one, I will melt. Guaranteed. I love taking pictures; I don't like when people complain that I take too many. I love laughing, I love being silly, I love when people aren't afraid to be silly sometimes. I love cartoons. I love scrapbooking -- no matter how geeky it is. I love to swim and play in the water and I love board games. I love to sing, even though I'm not very good at it. But if you ask me to sing for you, I probably won't. It has to be spontaneous. Music is important to me and I will not tolerate music that is degrading or crude in any way. I love snail mail ... I love cards. I love getting mail, but I like sending it even more. Writing is my passion -- get used to it. Even the simplest language is beautiful if phrased correctly. I don't like when people use "their" instead of "there" or "your" instead of "you're". Once in a while, a mistake is okay ... every time you use it is not.

I have strong opinions ... I will share them, but only when I feel so inclined. Generally speaking, I think before I speak -- especially in large groups. But once you get to know me, I am an open book. Don't be put off by my apparent shyness ... because shy is the last thing to describe me accurately. I love when people open doors for me and pull out my chair for me ... but I usually forget and try to do it myself. I want to be respected -- I want my feelings to be respected and my thoughts to be respected. More than anything else, I want my body to be respected. I know how to be sexy, I know how to be desirable. I choose not to be those things because I do not want what comes when one intentionally creates a sexy persona. I like being told that I'm beautiful ... I like being told I'm sexy -- because those are not things I strive to be ... but I want my boundaries respected.

I'm not always as confident as I seem ... there are many nights and many days when all I want is to be held. I love being held. Always. Sometimes I don't want to talk about what is bothering me ... sometimes I just want a hug ... someone who will let me cry. I like when boys cry in front of me -- when people aren't afraid to show what they're really feeling. I don't like when people run from their true feelings because it doesn't do anyone any good. I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I am not naive. I know what it feels like to be completely broken and I am all too familiar with what it means to be hurt. "I know what it's like to see something funny and not laugh." I've been taken advantage of, used, and abused. My feelings have been blatantly disregarded. But I still believe that all people are good at heart ... and my trust in people has not diminished. To be completely honest, I hope it never does. Ever.

I like playing Nintendo. I like playing with my website. I'm not useless in terms of computers, I know more about them than the location of the "on" button. If I don't know, chance are, I will try and fix it/find it myself ... and then ask for help or I will choose to find another way to do what I'm trying to. However, I know nothing about cars and will always ask for help if I am unsure. However, if it's something I can do ... like checking the oil ... I probably won't let you do it.

I'm not afraid to get dirty ... I enjoy being sweaty because I was working out. It's a good feeling. I don't like to run, I'd rather walk. But I love playing all kinds of sports, no matter how unskilled I am. My nails are not my top priority -- they never will be. I might paint them ... but once I do, the polish will stay on until it wears off, no matter how chipped it is.

I love long showers and the feeling of my teeth after they have been brushed. I do not like the dentist or the doctor ... I'll probably gripe about going to both of them, no matter how necessary it might be. Needles are a phobia -- so are spiders and bugs of any kind. Buzzing is my least favorite sound and it can easily drive me insane. If there is a bee in the room, don't expect me to pay attention to anything else.

I like food, even if it's not good for me. I like Shakespeare, even though I don't understand him. I love to learn -- I ask a lot of questions. Even if you honestly don't know, I will probably continue to ask until you give me an answer. I'm very gullible -- please don't abuse that fact. I like things that make you think, things that make you reexamine your beliefs. I'm not comfortable talking openly about sex.

I do not like being told things just to make me happy. I would rather be told the truth and be hurt than be "protected" and happy. I overreact sometimes. Don't be afraid to tell me I'm wrong or out of line. I like people who are strong enough to face me when I'm raging ... people who will let me angry for a little while ... people who won't think less of me for my somewhat sporadic mood swings. When I'm hurt, I withdraw. I threaten to run away from the situation that is causing me pain. All I want is to be told honestly that I'm loved ... that I should stay ... sometimes I need to hear it multiple times. But if you'll be a little persistent, I'll give in. If I really love you, I might start picking fights over stupid things ... for no reason. It means I'm bored. That things have gotten monotonous. I love just going with the flow ... I don't always want things planned out. I'm indecisive -- there are too many things I would really like to do ... and I'm afraid you won't like what I choose.

I am afraid of being lonely ... of having my heart broken ... of not being appreciated or wanted. Of people not knowing how much they mean to me. I'm afraid of drowning, of choking and of not understanding. I'm not afraid to be myself or of interacting with people who are different than me. I'm not afraid to admit that I'm wrong, but I will rarely admit it publicly.

My friends are the most important people in the world to me. My friends are mostly guys. That does not make me a "whore" or a "slut" or anything of the sort. To be a whore, I'd have to be sleeping with them. PS, I'm not. Get over it. I love my guy friends -- I enjoy hanging out with them much more than I do with most girls. That's just how I am, it's how I've always been ... I will probably always be this way. I will not date one of my guy friends if they have previously dated one of my girl friends. I respect those boundaries far too much to destroy a friendship for a relationship that might not last. My best friend in the entire world ... above anyone else ... is Annie. Regardless.

I like hot popcorn and brand new sharpies. I love paper and journals. I'm a huge packrat. Boy Meets World is my favorite show ... Friends is #2. I love the smell of new books and new houses ... I don't like the smell of new cars or air fresheners. I love bread and soft serve ice cream. I love sweatpants ... I love having my hair in a messy bun. I love being comfortable and I love being told that I'm beautiful, even if I'm in sweats and my hair is a mess. I am just as comfortable in a skirt as I am in sweats. I don't wear make up ... but when I do, I don't like it to be a big deal. I love to work, it makes me feel productive and useful. It keeps me from being idle. I hate feeling useless. I love staying up late and I love sleeping though I will never sleep enough. Coloring is fun ... drawing is not. My dog is better than your dog -- I don't care if he's small.

I love kids. I want 5 ... at least. I know it's a lot of work, you don't have to tell me. My two favorite animals are turkeys and penguins. My favorite color is anything in the rainbow. I don't like math ... I don't understand science. I love reading for hours on end ... especially outside on a sunny day. I love the sun ... I love being warm. However, I love playing in the rain and sitting outside when it's stormy. I like making snowmen and snow angels ... and I like the handprints in the middle when I get up.

I support and appreciate people who can argue their point in an educated manner, who have a logical reason for things -- even if I don't agree. I don't like when people can't support themselves ... I don't like laziness. I'm trying to learn how to disagree without being disagreeable and I admire people who know how. I also admire people who can hula. I like mismatched decorations and sappy letters. I love to cuddle. I love being close. I love having friends and I love laughing with my friends -- especially during class. I love praying ... I love studying my scriptures. I'd rather be cold than hot and I would rather eat chicken than beef. I don't like pork chops. I love bacon and deviled eggs. Christmas and Valentine's Day are my two favorite holidays. I love birthdays and Christmas because they bring people together. I admire integrity and honesty -- I love when people aren't "too tough" to forgive. I love best friends and old friends ... and I love when new friends become old friends.

I don't like alcohol ... or cigarettes ... or drugs. I don't like what they do to people. I will not date someone who uses them. Period the end.

Florescent lights always make people look weird and I don't understand why stores always put them in dressing rooms. I love pinstripe pants. There are a lot of clothes I am too self conscious to wear ... a lot of clothes I don't think I can pull off. But sometimes I'll try. I love good smelling lotions and shampoos ... especially the Victoria's Secret line. I love when guys wear cologne ... I love even more when they only wear it sometimes. I love wearing a guy's sweatshirt when it smells like him. But only when that smell is good. I love when guys are ticklish ... and I love laughing so hard I cry. I love straight teeth. I don't like the taste of coffee ... the fact that I don't drink it has nothing to do with me being Mormon. There are certain four letter words that the world would be better off without and I don't swear because I choose not to, not because I'm Mormon. I will always think I should lose some weight -- I will probably never admit it. I'm not unhappy with the way I look, but I don't always think I'm pretty. If you tell me I look good and I diagree, I'll probably tell you ... but I'm not fishing for compliments. I'm not asking you to roll your eyes and think that I'm doing it because "it's a girl thing." I'm telling you because there are certain days and moments when I really don't feel pretty. Those are the days I change my clothes six times before deciding which shirt I want to wear. Chances are, I won't tell you I took half an hour deciding which shirt to wear ... but chances are, you'll know.

I believe in love. Real, true, amazing, passionate love. I believe in my self ... I believe in other people. I will never give up on the people I really care about, even if they break my heart a thousand times. I believe in God and I know He will never give up on me ... even if I break His heart a thousand times.

I could fill a book with my thoughts ... and someday I will. I want to be published, I want to be known. I love the city ... but I want to go home to my family in the suburbs and be happy. I want to be a soccer mom. I want to be a teacher, yes, and I will be. But I want to be a wife, a mother, and a friend first. I want to help others ... starting with my family. I want to love others ... starting with myself.

I love blankets -- even in the summer. I love fans ... even in the winter. Fresh air and natural light cure just about anything. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a purpose ... that it is up to us to discover that purpose ... and that more often than not, we won't understand ... even if we find an answer. Regardless, I believe that everything works out for the best. Always.

In the words of Langston Hughes --
"I like to eat, sleep, drink, and be in love.
I like to work, read, learn, and understand life.
I don't like words I can't understand ... especially when they're used in everyday conversation. I think clichés are amusing and though I feel weird using them to justify things, I do anyway. But only sometimes.

I like not wearing shoes, but I think my feet are ugly. I wear flip flops in the winter, even when it's raining. I like making sandcastles and playing in the ocean. I'm bad at foreign languages, I don't understand Marxism. I can't dance, but I love to do it. Love songs are amazing, period the end. Herman Melville is an awful writer and I don't understand how he became so popular. I love Christian music ... and I adore the hymns of the church. The best putdown I have ever received came from my manager when telling me why I wouldn't like the movie Office Space. He said, "You're too upbeat -- that's why you don't like it." By the way, I didn't like the movie Office Space. :)

I'm allergic to everything that is outside in the springtime, but I will never refuse an opportunity to go outside.

I like people who can make me laugh ... I love making people laugh. I don't blush easily, but if I do, it means something. I like people who make me think about things ... people who willingly put up with my absentmindedness and like it. Common sense has never been one of my strong points. I'm not afraid to laugh at myself ... nor am I afraid to laugh at other people. I have a hard time letting go and when I love, I love deeply. I'm sincere and genuine ... and I like people who are sincere and genuine. People who respect themselves, boys who love their moms. I want to be adored ... and when I date a guy, I want him to be absolutely stoked about me. And I want it to be okay that I'm stoked about him. I don't want to be told that I'm loved ... I want to be shown. If a guy tries to pay for me, I'll pretend to be objective ... and I'll never expect it ... but I'll always appreciate it. If you give me the chills ... if I let you kiss me ... it always means something. I will never admit that I'm interested in you unless I know you are interested in me. If you hurt me, I'm going to talk to my friends about it ... I'm a relational person, that's what I do. If I'm angry, I will always tell you about it. I will try to work things out and if I have my way, we will work things about before going to bed. I believe strongly in the scripture in Ephesians that advises not to let the sun go down on your anger.

I love giving flowers to boys and I'd rather pick a flower from my front yard and give it to you than buy expensive flowers. I'd rather have a homemade picnic in the park than go to a fancy restaurant. I'm not good at being fancy. I like homemade cookies and handcrafted gifts. I'd rather give you something sentimental than something practical ... but I'm not against practicality. If I'm shopping and something silly catches my eye and makes me think of you, chances are ... you'll be receiving it shortly thereafter. Silly gifts make life enjoyable. :)

Inside jokes are amazing ... remember whens are mind blowing. Getting together with three of your best guy friends from high school and looking at middle school yearbooks -- a year and a half after graduation -- is one of the most amusing things in the world. I love applesauce and apple juice. I don't like eating apples whole. I don't like paying for parking ... and I would rather park farther away if it's free. If something is broken, I'll probably leave it broken until I need it next. My room is usually messy because I usually don't have time to clean it. But eventually I will clean it ... and the next day, it will probably be messy again. It happens. I would rather carry out the plans than create the plans. I love beginnings, but I know that endings have to come before beginnings can happen. Some of the most beautiful things in my life have ended ... but endings bring about strength and teach lessons that could never have been learned otherwise. And I can definitely appreciate that.

-Samantha Mott